We all have those sex fantasies that involve sex in a risqué location – perhaps outdoors – that will just be so incredibly hot! We watch movies where couples are getting it on down and dirty all over the place – indoors, outdoors – wherever the mood strikes and we think, “hmmmm, that would be hot! I wanna try that with my lover!” Then we do and it is, well, not what we expected at all! Perhaps it was that the fantasy was better than the reality OR once we were in the moment we were a little more inhibited than we thought we would be. Either way, sometime there are sex acts that should remain a fantasy. Here are 7 places that you THOUGHT would be hot to have sex, but really aren’t.
BATHROOMS AT RESTAURANTS: How many movies / television shows have featured couples getting it on in bathrooms? TONS! Even Friends had Monica and Chandler doing the dirty deed in a restaurant bathroom. The thing is, have you ever really LOOKED at a public bathroom? Do you really want to kneel down on a cold, tile floor where people stand and pee (or sit and pee)? Bracing yourself on a toilet seat where countless of patrons have sat throughout the day? Furthermore, do you really want that grandma who was sitting next to you at dinner to hear you giving your man a blowjob? Yeah. I didn’t think so.
MOVIE THEATERS: You are all cuddled up next to your lover, watching the latest Star Wars flick and you get a little TOO close to his, um, package. You start to rub on him, he gets hard. The popcorn bag is discreetly covering his bulge and you start to unzip, slowly, and put your hand down his pants. He begins to squirm in his seat and moan a little. You pick up the pace and he starts to gyrate, just a bit, into your hand, and just when things are getting good – “EWWWWW….MOMMY, THAT WOMAN HAS HER HAND DOWN THAT MAN’S PANTS!,” comes from the 13 year old sitting next to you. Your lover zips up and you slink out in shame, never to find out if Han Solo really died – but certain that the sexy mood did.
CARS: While you can have some pretty hot and heavy times in car for sure, depending on WHAT, exactly, you want to do in the car it may become more of an acrobatic activity than you would like. When we get older especially, and are less flexible, bending and contorting in the backseat of a car can be more painful than worth it. Sure, you can give a nice blowjob in a backseat, but oral sex on her may be more difficult. Think she can just climb on top and ride you? Well, if you do not have a convertible this may be harder than you think. If the moment takes you by surprise maybe in the backseat may not be the fantasy you thought you wanted.
ALLEYS: How many times have you seen a movie where a couple is at a club, they get a little too frisky inside so they walk outside to a dark alleyway and he pushes her up against a wall, reaches up and pulls down her panties, and then screws her right there! Sounds romantic, right? Uh huh. Firstly, most of the time there are garbage dumpsters out there – can you say YUCK and SMELLY? Secondly, with garbage comes rats and mice and cats and raccoons. That is all you need is to get bit by a rapid rodent. Thirdly, you are probably not the only ones in that alley – perhaps teenagers, some drug addicts, other patrons of the bars. Yeah, not such a good idea now is it?
OUTDOORS IN THE WOODS: There is a right way and a wrong way to have sex outside in the woods. Right way: bring a blanket and mosquito repellent and do not get all the way naked. Wrong way: just lay down on the grass and go to town. Here is why. The grass can have any number of critters in it from ants, to spiders, to ticks and chiggers. All you need is a tick attaching itself to your balls or backside! Spider bites are also not too fun. Now, think about a slithering snake making its way toward you! NO WAY! If you are going to have sex outdoors, you have to have some common sense. You do not want to end up sick or with Lyme disease. If this sounds less than ideal, well it can be if you are not prepared!
PUBLIC POOLS: Pool sex can be very, very fun! However, pool sex can also go very, very wrong. For example, if the pool is cooler than a heated pool your man may not be able to get his penis to make an appearance. What a bummer, right? Also, depending on the chemicals in the pool she can end up with a nasty infection! Not to mention the security cameras that seem to be all over anywhere public nowadays! If you are not discreet you may be hauled out of the pool by the police! If you want to have some hot water sex, invest in a hotel that has a private in-room Jacuzzi tubs! Then you can get your water sport ON!
THE OFFICE AFTERHOURS: This one is tricky, because getting it on ON your boss’s desk after hours can be super, super hot! Or, laying her down on the boardroom table for some hot and heavy action. Sounds fantastic, right? The key here is discretion. Is ANY sex worth your job? No, probably not. The thing about offices is, you never really know when they will be empty. A janitor walks through to get the garbage, your boss forgets his phone in his office which is, inconveniently, right under your left ass cheek, or security is making their rounds before locking up – and now locking YOU in for the weekend. The key here is to KNOW the routine of your office and make a calculated choice if you will go for it. Otherwise, skip the office table and do it at home on your kitchen table instead!
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