Common Sexual Issues and How To Solve Them!
Chances are, if you are married or in a long term relationship (and sometimes, even a short term one)you have encountered some sexual issues in your bedroom. Every couple has a sexual issue or two in their relationship, and especially as we grow older, things may not be as smooth sailing sexually as when you first hooked up with your mate. Some of these issues are fairly easy to correct and some may require a doctor’s intervention. The most important thing, however, is that you are invested enough in your love life to want to make the necessary changes. A healthy and active sex life is an important part of a healthy relationship.
7. Lacking Libido: Remember when you were first together, before kids and career stresses when all you wanted to do was have sex? Yeah, that is not a long-term reality for most couples. Generally speaking, as we age our libidos change – sometimes they increase, sometimes these decrease. When we have children and all the responsibilities that go along with a family – or – when we do not take as good of ourselves health wise as we should, our libido suffers. So, what do you do if you just “don’t want to have sex?” Well, the first thing is to figure out if it is just exhaustion and stress or if it is depression or hormone drop. For women, especially, as we near and go through menopause we may require hormone replacement to bring our libido back up to par. For men, the libido may be willing but the body may not (I’ll address this later in this article). If your issue is not one of medical concern (you should see a doctor to have a hormone test performed) you most likely need to reconnect and reinvest yourself to your relationship. Make time for intimate encounters including time together, cuddling, kissing and sex. Allow yourself the time to make love without worrying about anything else. Statistically speaking, the more sex we have, the more we want. The hormones adjust themselves when we are engaging in regular sexual activity. So, have more sex!
6. Fatal Missing Attraction: For long term couples there is sometimes a lack of physical attraction to our partner as they age, gain weight, lose hair, become less active. We fell in love with the size 6, perfectly toned, athletic woman and after 4 kids and 2 c-sections her body may not be what it was. Add to that the normal stresses on a couple and we may not be as physically attracted to our partner which means sex may not be a priority for us. Listen, ideally we would love and be attracted to our partner no matter what because looks are only a part of the equation. However, that may not be realistic. Psychologists recommend that you “attempt to find what it was about your partner that made you fall in love with them.” Most likely it was not her perfectly shaped breasts or his full head of hair. So, reconnect yourself emotionally to what it was you loved about the PERSON and the sexual desire will follow suit. Also, if something has changed about your partner that really, truly has you turned off and it is causing issues in the bedroom – talk to them! Be honest, but sensitive, and tell them how you feel. While no one wants to hear that they are less attractive to their partner, perhaps knowing can cause positive changes!
5. Quick Draw – Premature ejaculation: Sometimes it is not a lack of drive or ability to perform, but instead the need to perform LONGER. Premature ejaculation can happen at any time in a relationship, even in long-term ones. Contrary to popular believe, PE (premature ejaculation) does not happen because the man is so turned on that he cannot help himself. While the feel good nature of the sensations of sex are relevant, more often than not it is a lack of muscle control. Men need to learn to literally hold off their orgasm, and sometimes this takes a little dedication to the cause. Practicing on / off stimulation or the start-stop method is most effective for PE. The man will build his arousal and then STOP before he goes over. Allowing himself to calm down and the build back up. Repeat this process a few times, gradually building up the time. With practice a man can learn to stave off his orgasm, thereby providing a longer lovemaking session. Cock rings can also be used to stave off ejaculation, but this is most successful WITH the start / stop method. In conjunction, the man should always make sure he is stimulating his partner enough to satisfy her before intercourse.
4. Missing the “O”: It is not a myth, although I wish it was. Sometimes as we women get older; we lose our ability to orgasm as frequently – or at all! Usually, this lack of O ability has to do with hormonal drop and the need for more foreplay at a time in our life when we have less time for all things including sex! So it is important to take a few steps to reclaim our orgasm. First, make sure your mind is in the game. Give yourself the time to connect with your partner, to play, to have a nice lovemaking session without distraction. Secondly, use sexual enhancement products like bullets, clitoral creams and vibrators to increase the intensity of the sensations to your clitoris. Thirdly, try things outside the box to arouse yourself MORE. Watch a little porn, try something a little naughty like masturbation in front of your partner, or warm yourself up with your favorite toy.
3. Yawn! Boredom: Do you remember how your stomach did flip-flops during your first kiss? Well, after about 10 years of marriage that feeling sometimes goes away. Not only that, but we tend to “squeeze” sex in to our schedule instead of committing to make time to connect with our partner in this very important way. We no longer put on the lingerie; make an effort to seduce our partner. Instead, we holler from the bed, “I am gonna be sleeping in 10 minutes if you want to get off, get here now!” No, I am not kidding, I have a friend who does this. When sex becomes boring you need to spice things up! Fun sex is sex we want to have! We need to show enthusiasm, get worked up for the event and enjoy our partner and let them enjoy us! Try new things, have sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom. Make-out like you used to when you first were together. Reconnect sexually by switching the routine. Your relationship will be all the better for it!
2. Vaginal Dryness / Vaginal Pain: Oh to be a woman, what a joy. 30+ years of monthly bleeding and what do we have to look forward to? Menopause! Not just menopause but peri-menopause! Our hormones go crazy, our bodies rebel, and our vaginas pretty much go on strike! We no longer lubricate like we used to, sex can become painful and yes, our sex drive can go away. What is a woman to do? First, go to the doctor. Get a hormone test and a vaginal exam. There are wonderful new vaginal creams that can restore the natural balance of the vagina. Or, if it is not a hormonal shift, it can be lack of arousal. This can be due to age, stress, lack of attraction, exhaustion or previous pain during intercourse. It is so important to get “warmed up” before intercourse. You and your partner should be engaging in foreplay not only for intimacy, but also to protect against vaginal injury. Make sure you are supplementing your own lubrication with a synthetic lube. There is no shame in using a lubricant to help make sex more satisfying. Also, if you are having arousal difficulties, a clitoral cream can do wonders to increase your desire! Just remember that there are products out there to help – you just have to find the right one for you.
1. Erectile Issues: Cialis! Viagra! Why are these drugs so popular? Obviously, because men want to have sex and sometimes their penis will just not cooperate! There is a whole realm of medical reasons why men get erectile dysfunction. For this issue (if it is more than the occasional let down) you are going to have to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can be serious that are linked to erectile dysfunction such as Prostate Cancer. More often than not, ED is linked to a less than powerful blood flow to the penis. In which case, ED drugs or cock rings can be a huge help. Cock rings help to maintain the blood flow to the penis. The most important thing to remember is: you are not the ONLY man dealing with ED and it is important to find out why you are having sexual issues. Your partner will most likely be confused and sensitive about it as well. So, talk to your partner and talk to your doctor, then come up with a plan of action.
Mikayla’s Tip: The most important thing you can do for your relationship is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about things you want, desire, need or want to try. Also, when things start to go wrong with your body or your feelings about sex change for longer than a brief period, make sure to consult a health professional. Doctors are not strangers to these issues, there is no reason to be ashamed and it is much better to be safe than sorry.
Items to help with sexual issues:
Dual Ring Cock Ring Sets: The best bet for a newbie to cock rings, multiple sizes and a double ring for shaft and balls. Just make sure to follow ALL directions for cock ring use.
Clitoral Gel Gentle: Sometimes all you need is a little tingle and things go into overdrive!
Max Desire Sexual Enhancement Pills: Give your libido a little lift when you need it!
La Reve Femme Vibrator: No, not just a dream, this mini vibe is perfect for use during sex or as a prelude to!