1. KNOW YOUR INTENTIONS: You have to be aware of what you're getting into, and how far you are willing to go. Imagine the ONS playing out in your mind beforehand. What turns you on? What do you want to avoid? The key here is to know your intentions and to not be guilted into anything you’re not 100% prepped, ready, and excited for. This is a one night opportunity. It's exciting, but be smart. Set your boundaries and be upfront about them.
2. MORAL ROADBLOCKS: You know you want a ONS and you know what activities are off your list, but do you know why you're seeking this interaction? Are you driven by a rampant hormonal desire to get wild or are you seeking revenge? Here are the rules of one night stands: There’s absolutely NO CHEATING. Do not have a ONS behind your partner's back for so many reasons, like risking their sexual safety. Also, there's no getting back at currents or exes with ONS. You may want to sleep with the whole town after some break-up rage but don't! This experience is for you, not them.
3. BE A GODDESS: Remember how I said you should be having a one night stand for you? Well, I mean for fun! One night stands should not be used to increase your self-esteem because you can’t know how they are going to turn out. What if your ONS stranger-lover decides he or she is too chicken to go through with it? You don’t want to be left thinking it’s your fault. Quite the contrary. You should get back out there and find another fling! To enjoy the freedom of a one night stand, you should be confident and feel your sexiest before you go on the prowl.
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4. STOCK YOUR SHELVES: One night stands are a great opportunity to try new bedroom accessories out. Make sure you’re safe by stocking your shelves and drawers with condoms, but go ahead and let yourself get a little wild too! Order up some new sex toys like vibrators, nipple toys, cock rings and more. Have plenty of different lubricants and massage oils at the ready too, in case the evening calls for something edible, warming, or cooling.
5. FRESHEN YOUR FLIRT: If you think that you can just hop a cab to a bar and bat your eyelashes for a great ONS, you’ve got another thing coming. Brush up your flirting skills and practice some get-to-know-them conversation starters so you can catch a good one. Remember, open-ended questions get you the best answers, so steer clear of yes-or-no questions. The best part of freshening your flirt? You can try different styles of flirting for different personas! This lady or gent doesn’t know you, so strut your stuff or play it coy - whatever makes you feel your sexiest.
6. GET CHOOSY: Okay, so we already talked about how you are not on the hunt for a boyfriend or girlfriend. But that doesn’t mean that you should get to bed with the first John Doe you see. Here’s my guide for a great mate - Get one H.E.L.L. of partner...A Happy person who is Engaging, has great Looks, and isn’t afraid to Laugh. Get it? Go to H.E.L.L., haha! Just understand that even if you find the perfect catch, you shouldn’t expect some magical change in them that turns the whole situation into a Rom-Com. If you get more that a good roll in the hay, good for you!
7. MAINTAIN MODERATION: You may meet at a bar, but you don’t have to get drunk to have a one night stand. Drinking too much severely increases danger. Inhibitions lower and the intentions you had will start to waver - and not in the good way. When your judgement gets iffy, you put you and your one night lover at risk. Not to mention, alcohol’s effect on libido. The term “whiskey dick” isn’t just for men. Alcohol can stunt arousal and keep you from getting that spectacular orgasm! Go ahead and have a couple, but be aware of what you (and your new partner) are putting into your bodies.
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8. PRACTICE SAFE SEX: This is the running theme here! Use condoms. Birth control is great but doesn’t protect against STDs, and can falter if you’ve missed taking the pill at the same time daily. Everyone - men, women, or however you identify, should be carrying the condoms/dental dams/whatever to prevent transmission of more than just orgasms. Condoms are much easier to find than dental dams, so remember that you can always snip a condom to make an oral sex safeguard.
9. GET THE DEETS: This means, get the details on your one-nighter. Get his/her name, address if you’re going to their place, even a picture if you can snag one, and send it all to your friends. This isn’t to frighten you. It’s just always smart to have back-up in case something does happen - even if you just need a ride back home! Unless he or she is in your extended circle of friends, it’s important to get all the info and get a couple friends in-the-know before going all the way.
10. FOREPLAY FOR FUN: Okay, half the fun of having sex is the foreplay! It’s a scientific fact that foreplay helps ladies get in the mood both emotionally and physically. It’s not going to work quite as you expect if your woman isn’t wet, right? Go ahead and play hard to get. Tease each other until you can’t stand it anymore. Give them the striptease you’ve never been brave enough to do for anyone else. Foreplay will give you time to explore each others bodies, and boundaries before you ease into the hardcore you’ve been looking for.
11. DON’T TEASE: Sounds contradictory to what I just wrote but a little teasing is okay. Teasing and then not following through? That is a big no-no for one night stands. Casual sex is available to you when you’re ready for casual sex. If you’re leaving the bar and the 2nd location has a bed, or couch, or floor, or shower, you better be on board to do the dirty. Granted, if you ever get the feeling that things are going south, and not in the good way, you have every right to politely take your leave. Just don’t play the game and stop before you score, just to be a tease.
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12. ENJOY THE NON-RELATIONSHIP: This experience - this one night stand - is an ADVENTURE! It’s time to give a great big sigh of relief and enjoy the freedom of not having a relationship. Sure, you should care about their feelings - they are another human being after all - but have fun with it. You get to screw them silly and the leave, no questions asked, and no commitments.
13. COMMUNICATE: Remember that this person you’re spending the night with (either partially, or sleeping over with) doesn’t know you. They don’t know what you do and do not like. This is where communication is key. You’re going to want to be very vocal during foreplay, and during sex, but that’s fun, isn’t it? Tell them when they’ve hit the right spot. Be assertive, or even dominating. Tell them what you want, and get it!
14. CUDDLE IF YOU WANT: Some may say this is a big no-no for one night stands because it can create the belief that something more is going to come from your fling. However, if you’ve got your mind all squared away with emotions and intentions intact, go right ahead. Cuddling kind of chemically seals the deal. If you sleep together, and then actually sleep together, your bodies release those final bits of happiness and peaceful neurotransmitters to give you the full experience. It’s like a big bow on your one night stand present to yourself.
15. SAY GOODBYE: We’ve heard of the walk of shame - that stroll you take with mussed up hair and the same wrinkled clothes you went to the club in last night - but it doesn’t have to be that bad. Be adults and understand that you were both seeking something, both received something, and both are mature enough to handle it. You don’t have to have breakfast with your mystery playmate, but at least have the courtesy to say goodbye instead of slipping out in the middle of the night!
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