By Jen

I love learning new things and this winter was no exception—I learned to snowboard. I grew up in Vermont and was surrounded by budding professional snowboarders, yet the opportunity to learn never arose. I will admit, although there is a feeling of excitement that surrounds new experiences, I have a huge fear of failure or worse yet, looking dumb.

The thrill coursing through my body was replaced with utter fear as I rode up the chair lift, a rented snowboard dangling from my foot. “Is this a good idea?” I asked my snowboarder friend. I got my answer as I pushed and slid my way over to the top of the run. There was no way I was getting down the mountain. I knew I would wind up unstrapping my board and walking down.

I was wrong. It took me forty-five minutes and a lot of cursing to make it down, but I did. At which time I found myself stealing over to the chair lift line, ready to do it again. The adrenaline and thrill of something new had replaced the panic I had felt earlier.

Trying something new is out of the ordinary. We move beyond the level of comfort that we have designated to ourselves, which leaves us vulnerable and exposed.

“Have you ever tried anal sex?” he asked.

I coughed back my surprise. I didn’t quite know how to tell him that I had been close to having “DO NOT ENTER” tattooed on my backside. I didn’t know anything about anal sex and therefore I feared it.

“No.” I was thankful the bedroom was dark and he couldn’t see the red of my flushed cheeks. I couldn’t stop the flood of thoughts streaming through my head: “He’s bored, he wants something new”, “He’ll dump me as soon as he realizes I know nothing about anal”, “Will he think I’m inexperienced if I ask him questions?” I was titillated and scared at the prospect of trying something new. I’d always wanted to be adventurous, but I had never had someone willing to experiment with me. I was extremely lucky because my lover at the time was an amazing and nonjudgmental teacher. He was patient with my hesitance and honest to my questions (which I can assure you, there were plenty).

I’ve received quite a few emails from men wanting to know how to help their partners get over the hump of sexual timidness. Whether it is introducing toys or sexual experimentation the most important thing to keep in mind is that you are asking your lover to try something new. New is different and exciting, but also scary and unknown. I’ll admit, I said no to everything my lover suggested—the first time. But after I understood that he only wanted to enhance our sex life, not fix it, I realized how much I had been missing. And let me tell you, I was missing a lot!

So try new things and say how you feel because the bottom line is that sex is supposed to be fun.

Tips on exploring for the inexperienced:

1. Blind Fold
Slip a blind fold over your lover's eyes. A very simple item that can add a touch of naughtiness to your bedroom play.

2. Body Massage
Lay your lover down on the bed and pamper them with a deep body massage. Use a quality massage oil or cream. Edible oils are great for mixing up the massage with some love bites. :)

3. Board Games / Sex Dice
Games and sex dice are a wonderful way to get you and your lover in the mood.

4. Hand Cuffs
Simply using handcuffs around your lover's wrists will add some excitement.

5. Tasty Treats
Tasty lubes for oral pleasure. Have a lover that is orally challenged? Try one of these lubes to make it a tasty treat.
WET Flavored lube This is a tasty lube that has no sugar (This means that it is ok to use as a sexual lubricant. Sugar will cause ladies to have a yeast infection.).
Passion Potion Pleasantly flavored vaginal gel.
Nipple Gel - edible, minty gel.

6. Toy Swap
oooh... This can be a little daring... You each agree to find a toy that you can use on your each other. Search the store alone or with your partner.

Do you have any tips you would like to share? Share them with us!

--Jen