| by
Mikayla
 If you have spent any time on our discussion forum, then you
will know that the question of “why should I have sex
toys” comes up a LOT! Why? Well, for some people they
want the validation that what they are doing is “normal”
or “OK.” For others it is an honest question,
“if I have a partner, why a sex toy?” Still others
want to know why their WIFE or female partner needs a toy
if she has “the real thing.” If any of these situations
ring true for you then read on and see exactly why I believe
EVERY person, and more importantly, EVERY COUPLE should have
at least one sex toy if not many, many more!
OK, before some of you reading this jump to the conclusion
that I suggest purchasing sex toys because I “work”
for TooTimid or have a vested interest in how many toys they
sell let me just say this: I bought, used and suggested sex
toys to my friends for YEARS before I ever came to TooTimid!
It is something that I have found to be important in my relationships
and felt the need to pass on the positive attributes of toy
use.
ENHANCEMENT NOT REPLACEMENT
Let me begin by saying: sex toys or intimate products are
NEVER a replacement but ALWAYS an enhancement. Why do I say
this? Well, there is a certain intimacy that occurs when couples
use sex toys together. Notice, I wrote “intimacy”
– yes, sexual enhancement products can make a couple
more intimate. Intimacy comes when a couple truly shares in
one another’s fantasies, desires and sexual needs. Intimacy
comes when both persons in a relationship can admit their
desires and the other is receptive. Intimacy comes when there
is a non-judgmental attitude when it comes to sex. Intimacy
comes when two people are as close mentally, emotionally and
physically as possible. To get that you have to let it all
be exposed and this includes becoming vulnerable to the other
person when sex is concerned.
Well, how can sex toys do this? In many ways actually. First,
when a woman uses a sex toy – let’s say a bullet
– she can oftentimes orgasm more easily or more times
than if she did not use a toy. She may fake orgasms, she may
neglect to care about her own pleasure, or she may not allow
her partner to assist her in her pleasure. How can THIS be
intimacy? Honestly, it can’t. There is more to sex than
just being inserted in each other. Orgasms fulfill the physiological
need that people have. For many women, sex toys can be the
key that unlocks that possibility.
Second, sex toys allow both partners to fulfill fantasies.
For example, if a man has a need for a threesome – or
it is his ultimate fantasy. If his partner is unreceptive
to this fantasy it does not mean that the fantasy goes away
as soon as she says “no,” contrarily, it is always
there and may become more prominent. Now, does this mean that
the woman should succumb to this fantasy? No. However, if
this couple were to role play using a realistic vagina for
example, then this fantasy might come true for the man within
the safety of their own partnership confines.
Third, using sex toys can allow a woman to completely “let
go” of her sexual responses. Many women do not orgasm
from sex alone – they need that clitoral stimulation.
When a woman allows herself to use a toy for that stimulation
she can train her body to orgasm quicker and more intensely
than if she had not used a toy. This can lead to easier orgasms
during sex and even multiple orgasms. While toy use is not
a guarantee of success with regard to orgasmic rate, it is
a step in the right direction.
Fourth, when a man accepts his partner’s use of sex
toys it shows her that (1) he is not intimidated by a toy
and (2) that he genuinely cares about his partner’s
pleasure. Men who are comfortable with sex toy use have very
intimate relationships with their partners. Furthermore, most
men love to watch their partner use a toy (either masturbation
or during sex) and it can be a real jumpstart to a relationship.
Fifth, when a woman allows her man into her private world
of toy use she is also showing him that she still needs him
and the toy is enhancement. IF she was to sneak around, hide
her toys and not allow him to be privy to this part of her
sexual life, then she would not be honest and therefore completely
intimate with her partner. By allowing him to watch or participate
in the toy use brings it all out in the open. Not only can
he observe his partner having wonderful pleasure, but he becomes
a part of that instead of separate from it. Again, intimacy
at play.
Sixth, if a man has erectile dysfunction of some sort he may
want to introduce his lover to sex toys to help him. Cock
rings, masturbators, firmness creams or penis pumps can all
help many men with ED issues. If the man is upfront and honest
about his difficulties and presents some solutions to his
partner, he is being honest and open and trying to “fix”
what may be not going well in his sex life, there again is
intimacy!
Clearly these are just a few of the reasons why sex toys can
help a couple become closer and more intimate. There are more
reasons, fun reasons, that toy use can bring a couple to a
new realm. Let’s explore some of these reasons.
Oh My ORGASM!!!
As previously alluded to, for some women using a sex toy can
be the first time they have a knock down orgasm! Then, when
she either shares this experience with her partner or uses
this private experience to train herself about her own pleasure,
she is better prepared and apt to explain to her lover how
to please her. As I have repeatedly said, a woman who knows
how to masturbate and self-pleasure is a woman who is more
able to tell her lover how to please her. Using sex toys is
a jumping point for this dialogue and demonstration.
Conversely, if a woman is already comfortable with her own
private sex toy use, bringing the toy into the couple’s
bedroom play can be a great enhancement. How? Well, it demonstrates
the woman’s confidence and ability to “let it
all hang out” and show her partner her vulnerability.
When a woman allows her man into this private time she shows
him how much she cares for him. Again, INTIMACY!
On the man’s side, seeing his partner vulnerable –
open – in more ways than one can be EXTREMELY arousing
for him. Helping her masturbate can fulfill a fantasy for
him as well. Whether it just is the “visualization”
of “seeing” everything – up close and personal
– or actually pretending that the toy is another man
–either situation can be extremely arousing.
THE COUPLE THAT SHOPS TOGETHER, STAYS TOGETHER
Once you have either consented to try sex toys – or
have discovered the interest of your partner – you can
now have one of the best shopping experiences you will ever
have – and it will be BETTER than shoe shopping! Shopping
for sexual enhancement products together, whether it be adult
movies, toys or just lubrications – can be arousing
and exhilarating. Talking to your partner about what toys
turn him or her on, what you would like to see your partner
using, or even just being surprised at how open you can become
is another one of those “intimate” moments that
you can share.
Whether you are perusing an online shop like TooTimid (which
I totally recommend) or you go to an actual adult store (TooTimid
has one in Boston!) shopping for sexual enhancement products
can be super spicy and get things rolling in a way you never
expected! Once you pick out the toys you can wait in anticipation
for them to come. When they arrive you can have special “toy
arrival sex” and laugh, play and tease each other with
your new purchases. Perhaps you start out slow, then build
up – or you jump right in. Whatever you decide, it will
be fun to experiment.
BIG, SMALL WE HAVE THEM ALL!
Whatever you decide to buy remember that sex toys are for
FUN! When you make your first purchase try to find something
that appeals to you (or you and your partner) and make sure
it is something that you are comfortable with. While your
partner might want you to jump right in to the 9” dildo
– you may be more comfortable with a little mini vibe!
Or, your wife may want you to try a penis pump but you may
not want to go that route. Again, you have to be honest with
your partner about your expectations and desires as well as
what you are comfortable (or not comfortable) with.
If you are not ready for a “toy” remember that
there are many more options. COUPLE’S GAMES, ORAL SEX
LUBES, HEATED LUBES, LIGHT RESTRAINTS, all of these can be
a great way to get into sexual enhancement products without
going overboard. Just trying something new in the bedroom
can be the best thing you will EVER do for your relationship!
If you are no stranger to sexual enhancement products, then
perhaps you might want to step it up a bit. Go a little more
out of the box and consider one of your partner’s requests.
Try something new, think about your own pleasure and that
of your partner, be adventurous. Not only does this make your
next sexual encounter more exciting but it also shows your
partner once again that his or her fantasies and desires are
equally important to you.
GO FORTH AND PROSPER
I hope that this short article has demonstrated that sex toys
are definitely an enhancement and not a replacement. Realization
that intimacy can be obtained by sharing these experiences
with your partner is something that I wish all couple’s
would realize. Knowing that you can share your private sex
toy time with your partner is not so foreign a concept now!
Honesty, communication and expression of wants and desires
is one of the best ways to gain intimacy – and sex toys
can really be a great way to initiate all of this. So, what
are YOU waiting for – go forth and shop and prosper
in your new, intimate relationship!
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