| by
Mikayla
 In a recent TooTimid
poll, a large majority of people admitted that they would
rather have sex with their NEIGHBOR over a rock star or movie
star? Really? People are actually fantasizing about REAL people
over those on the big screen? I found this very interesting
and decided that I had to ask some of my girlfriends, guy
friends and of course the discussion forum to see who they
were thinking of during fantasy time.
I was interested – why a “real” person if
it is a fantasy and you can have anyone? Why choose “Mr.
Smith” over Brad Pitt? Would my male friends feel the
same way? If they could fantasize about Angelina Jolie or
the woman at the A & P – why the “real”
woman? I found the answers I got interesting, and I am confident
that you will too!
LADIES LUNCHING
In my first “Ladies Lunch” since baby there were
plenty of cocktails to loosen up my female buddies so that
I could pick their brains about this fascinating topic. I
invited the following interviewees to my luncheon:
Leighton (32) – legal secretary
Katie (37) – teacher
Jenni (36) – Mom and Housewife
I asked my friends; when you are having fantasy time who do
you REALLY fantasize about? Do you fantasize about your favorite
rock star or movie star or perhaps a real person? Leighton
was the first to speak up – she said, “I have
two running fantasies depending on my mood. If I am in the
mood for something quick and heated, I always imagine Dylan
McDermot and myself having sex in a pool. There is something
about him that can get me hot – and fast. However, if
I am in the mood for a slow seductive night, then it is hands
down my best friend’s brother. Matt is HOOOOOT and just
has something about him. I have known him for 15 years and
this fantasy has been around since the first time I saw him
(of course it has gotten hotter and more detailed since my
younger days)”
OK, so I guess it is OK to have more than one fantasy –
variety is the spice and all that. I asked Leighton, why would
she use Matt for her slow nights, and Dylan for the fast nights.
She replied, “basically, Matt is a ‘real’
person – someone I know a lot about. I have seen him
in his boxers, I have touched him, hugged him, talked to him.
I have much more to go on when formulating a fantasy than
I would have for Dylan. I mean, yeah, I have seen the movies
and TV shows Dylan is in, but that is not MY fantasy, that
is some director’s fantasy. So, for me, if I want to
really get myself hot, thinking of something that MAY possibly
happen some day as opposed to the ‘not a chance in hell’
– really makes my blood boil!”
I have to admit, I have never thought about it like this.
If you have a fantasy about a real person that you know, you
have a lot more ammunition for the fantasy. Voice inflections,
mannerisms, clothing choices and such. Also, you can think
about familiar things – and this makes the fantasy much
more realistic.
Right on Leighton’s heals my friend Jenni was next to
fess up. “Well, for me there is always the same fantasy
and I am embarrassed to admit it. When I was 17 there was
this guy at the roller rink who I always wanted to skate with.
You know, couple’s skate? Well, his name was Jim and
he was so cute. Teenager cute, not grown man cute. One night
he FINALLY asked me to skate. We skated half the song then
retreated to the corner of the rink to make-out like the teenagers
that we were. We only kissed, and his hand went up to cop
a feel of my boob, but kissing was it. When I have a fantasy
that does not include my husband, Jim is the one I imagine.
After all these years he has remained a constant in my fantasy
mind.”
OK, nothing embarrassing about that as far as I am concerned.
A fond childhood memory that really never came to much of
fruition – I can understand that completely. However,
I wanted to know, was it the same fantasy – always just
the kissing?
“Oh heck no! In my current fantasy, we go all the way
in the bathroom of the rink. The glorious thing is that I
am still my 17 year old self (pre-baby and pre-saggage) and
he has stayed the same as well. We kiss, and begin to get
heated, then he rolls me to the bathroom like I am on a cloud
and we do it skates still on in the bathroom! It is hot and
for some reason, I always come back to this!”
Now that is interesting. I never thought of “freezing
time” in my fantasies. In my fantasies I am always my
current me – well, OK, not my CURRENT BODY, but me.
Even in my fantasies where I think about my ex I am still
me today. This I found very interesting and I did understand
it. We all have experiences in our life that make an indelible
imprint on our memory – and this was Jenni’s.
Time for Katie to fess up. She didn’t seem to be forthcoming
with her “confession” so I had to goad her a bit.
Finally, she admitted that she does have a fantasy man. She
told us that she sometimes thinks about celebrity guys (and
gals) during masturbation, but this is not exactly her fantasy.
Her fantasy is very, very exact and involves a whole process.
The funny thing about her fantasy man is that she has known
him her whole life – literally. This man is a friend
of her father’s – therefore, he is her father’s
age. Katie continues a bit with her confession, seemingly
embarrassed.
“My father’s friend is a very, very good looking
man. Think Anderson Cooper in looks and body style. He has
known my dad my whole life. I remember seeing him at family
events, baptisms, birthdays. When my Dad turned 40 my Mom
threw him a surprise party and his friend was there. By that
time I was nearly 21. This man handed me a drink at my Dad’s
party, saying I was ‘old enough and certainly beautiful
enough to join him in a toast for my father.’ Oh….I
melted. Here this man that I had known my whole life –
and hadn’t particularly noticed as anything other than
my Dad’s friend – had called me ‘beautiful.’
He had this sexy tone of voice, a very handsome face, and
he was just someone who made my heart pound. That night I
had a masturbation session to end all masturbation sessions!
I imagined that drink led to dinner, dinner led to dancing,
dancing led to kissing, and kissing led to sex! It is a very
detailed fantasy where I become the love of this man’s
life!”
Well, there is obviously a great differential here between
my friends. One fantasizes about an older man, another a ‘boy’
from her past and still another a current friend. None said
that their man, hot fantasy man was a famous person. Very
interesting indeed. I couldn’t wait for my guy’s
poll – would the men be the same?
MARGARITAVILLE WITH THE MENS
I learned a few things in my many years having men as my good
friends, but one thing has always held true: provide food
and drinks (alcohol) men will come a runnin’!
My little manly party included:
Harrison (31) – lawyer
Ryan (36) – professional photographer
Ron (34) – retail management
After many a drink, a ton of hot wings and red meat (I know,
total cliché) – my men friends were ready to
talk. I asked them the same thing I asked my gal pals and
Ryan was first to come clean – if that is what I can
call it in good faith. He admitted that he often times uses
the “real” women of Playboy, Penthouse or other
‘girlie’ productions. I explained that that is
not really a ‘fantasy’ as much as it is ‘whack
off’ inspiration. He then said that his one, true fantasy
is the one woman he can never have, but has always wanted.
He said it is the love of his life, his muse and inspiration.
He confessed, it is me! Harrison is a bit of a joker (obviously)
so I was not sure that he was telling the truth. He went on
to say that it is not me, per se, but more the overall attitude
that I have.
Now I was confused. We have been friends a long, long time,
and never crossed those lines. I didn’t think that he
would want to. He said, “look Mikayla, when we met 15
years ago we became instant friends. You were and are so open
about everything that I was immediately smitten with your
honesty, humor, willingness to talk about sex like a man and
just your overall personality. Of all the women whom I have
dated, none have been like that – open, exposed. IF
I was to have one fantasy it would be to find a woman who
looks like Sienna Miller and acts like you!”
WOW. What can I say? As I sit here typing these words, I still
am a bit shocked that I had this type of effect on him. So
while he doesn’t want ‘me’ exactly, he wants
someone like me. I was totally flattered and dumbfounded.
First, I was surprised that any man could see past the external
and fantasize about internal. Second, I didn’t realize
that personality played into a fantasy at all, especially
for men. I would have expected this of my female friends,
not my male ones – it was a pleasant surprise.
My friend Harrison quickly jumped into the conversation, saying
that while he loves me and all, I am not his fantasy. I was
relieved! Two surprises in one night would have been way too
much for me. He said that for him, the ultimate fantasy is
not a real person; that is not what a fantasy is for him.
He much prefers the “hottie” of the week, meaning
the latest hot, female star. Currently, he is lusting over
Kiera Knightley – something about the accent gets him.
I asked if there were any “real” people that he
has fantasized about and he said “no,” it is always
the unattainable that he finds attractive and desirable. I
suppose I could understand that. A fantasy, by basic definition,
is something that can’t happen, or has some element
of hidden desire.
The last one that I probed for an answer was Ron, my newly
married long time friend. He told me that his fantasy is not
some glamour queen, a famous person, or even me (oh poo),
but instead his wife. He admitted to me that, “the first
time I saw my then future wife come into my corporate office
I wanted her – BAD! I had her in my mind something fierce
and that doesn’t happen to me often. I followed her
down the hall and waited for her to come out of her meeting.
I felt like a damn stalker, but I had to ask her out. When
she finally came out of the meeting, I handed her my card,
introduced myself and asked her to dinner. She refused. For
the next month, she was the one and only fantasy that I had.
The woman that shot me down cold! Eventually, she came back
in for another meeting and I asked her out again, this time
she said yes. The rest is history – dating, marriage,
happily ever after. Since I met her, no other woman has held
a candle to her – real or fantasy.”
WOW again. I didn’t realize that my friends had such
‘depth’ – especially my male friends. I
was very, very surprised with these results -2 of three wanted
‘real’ people over the celebrity du jour! I guess
this says something about what makes a man tick! Totally enlightening
and surprising!
FRIENDS OF THE FORUM
I also posted this question on forum
– just to see what people I don’t know are thinking
about when it comes to sexual fantasies and who they truly
desire. Of the people who answered the results were: 2 celebrities,
1 pastor (yes, pastor), 2 best friends, and 1 wife. So, the
majority of answers did not lead to a celebrity, but instead
real people. Hey, you can’t get much more real than
a PASTOR! :)
The reasons for the ‘real’ folks were similar
to those already stated. Besides physical attraction, there
was also a connection of some kind. Being able to talk, connect,
discuss with this person. Knowing this person and never crossing
the line. This seems to be a common ground amongst people
who choose real folks for their answers.
I find it refreshing that most people are not stuck in “celebrity
haze.” I myself do not fantasize much about famous actors
and actresses. When my fantasies do not include my husband,
they are past memories of some hot encounter I had. For me,
my life is sort of my fantasy. Having someone who I connect
with, have great sex with, really love and can do or say anything
with is really a fantasy come true. I know this is how many
people feel about their partners. Does this mean if someone
fantasizes about another person that they are somehow unfulfilled?
Of course not. The beauty of a fantasy is that it is just
that – harmless, fun, fantasy!
I think that the fact that my sampling of guys and gals shows
a preference for real events – real encounters –
and more than just a flawless bod and big knockers –
speaks for itself. I am grateful to know that we ‘real
women’ can still be the object of fantasy. This should
speak to all those women who are desperately trying to become
just like Angelina Jolie! While she has her admirers I am
sure, there are many people out there simply looking for “a
good person.” As my friend Ryan said about me, it is
about personality and character, not always about physicality.
While I am sure that my bubbling personality is fine –
I am also confident in saying that if my friend Ryan had the
chance to bed a celeb he wouldn’t kick her out of bed
because she wasn’t just like me!
Discovering that people can still fantasize about their spouses
is also a welcome admission. I find it utterly refreshing
to know that love is still alive when it comes to marriage.
I feel you should marry someone who is, in some way, your
fantasy person. This is different for all people, but if it
has some truth it would be that we should not settle for less.
I hope this article was fun and enlightening for you. If you
want to weigh in on your secret fantasy lover, go on to the
discussion forum and answer the post about secret lovers.
I am always interested in seeing what real people have to
say!
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