by Mikayla

It is no secret that I am a BIG fan of adult videos. I have always found them erotic, stimulating, arousing and even educational. I have been watching adult videos (aka porn) since before I was legally permitted. Now, as an adult, I enjoy viewing the occasional adult feature with my hubby as a kick start to our already fulfilling sex life!

So, what do you do if your lover is not into adult films and you are? Is this something that should be forced on her (or him) – would it cause damage to the relationship? The fact is, many women and men truly enjoy adult films – but equally as many do not. There are many, many women who find that adult films “demean” women and put unrealistic expectations of sex into the minds of men.

Let me assure you, while there are adult films out there – not in the mainstream – that can be rough to watch due to the extreme subject matter – the majority of adult films have CONSENTING adult actors and actresses having sex. The fact is, these actresses enjoy performing in adult films, they get paid well and they even strive to get Adult Film Awards (the Oscars of porn!). So, to think that the actresses are being demeaned is just unwarranted.

The very idea of adult cinema is ADULT ENTERTAINMENT. These actors are providing a service and entertaining their audiences. The variety of films available serve any number of FANTASIES and fetishes. This is the core idea behind adult film – the idea of fantasy. Many women feel that men who watch porn believe that “life is just a porno flick” and that they expect their women to perform and act like a porno star. The fact is, while some men DO think that porn is representative of real life, the vast majority of men are not that stupid! To most men, pornos are their greatest fantasies – and it can be the same for women too.

Then there are those men and women who simply get no enjoyment from a film that has no “plot” or storyline. I mean, let’s face it folks, porns are not heart-wrenching, nail-biting, science fiction rendering works of art – they are what they are – beautiful people having sex! There is a certain “fakeness” to most adult films – women who are rearing to go when they show up at your doorstep. Strangers who meet in alleyways and end up having sex on the spot. Adult films are not real life scenarios – at least they are not representative of most people’s lives. If you are a person who simply needs some sort of storyline – there is a new genre of directors who are taking you to mind – and this will be discussed later.

Finally, there are those people who may not dislike the adult films, but they have certain “issues” when watching them. These people are either embarrassed or afraid of comparison. Women do not like or want to be compared to a “screen actress” when she is in bed with her hubby. Men are sometimes embarrassed that they can not perform like those men on screen – or – that they get so excited and aroused when watching the films. Both scenarios make it hard for couples to enjoy the films together.

Basically, there are more men who want their female partners to watch adult films than vice versa. All my past boyfriends and hubby were AMAZED that I actually enjoy adult features. I got the distinct impression that I was a rare breed of woman for liking these films. I do not care, I like what I like.

So, how do you ease your partner into watching adult films if she (or he) is seemingly uncomfortable with the idea? First, you should never force someone to do something that they do not want to. I realize that many men sit through the lovey-dovey movies that many women like – but it is not the same fellas! It takes a lot of self-confidence to watch an adult feature with your man sitting next to you. There is always that fear that we are not “good enough” or pretty enough when compared to the actresses. Also, when our man becomes aroused we wonder in the back of our minds if he wants US or the women on the screen!

Listen ladies, if your man is getting excited by the film and is coming to you for fulfillment – why worry? Men look at porn – videos, magazines, online – and the fact that they want you there with them is a testament to their openness in the relationship. Be grateful that they feel secure enough with you to watch and share the moment. Unless your man can’t get into bed with you without viewing porn there is really no issue or problem with it. It is simply his way of revving his engine – and hopefully yours too!

So, if your woman is adamant about not watching, try to discern WHY she doesn’t want to watch. Assure her that she is your lover, you are attracted to her, excited by her, and that watching the feature is for both of you to get aroused and maybe find some new ideas. Being sensitive to her reasons for not wanting to watch is important. I suggest being open about wanting to watch, and suggest she help you pick out a movie. If she is included in the process, she just may find it exciting and a good bonding experience.

Second, if you have watched a movie with your lover and she was embarrassed, closed her eyes, walked out of the room, or simply said it was “gross” and “obscene” – then it might be time to suggest an educational video. There are so many different educational videos on the market now – my favorites being the LOVING SEX and BETTER SEX collections. These films feature real couples, in real scenarios – having sex – but under the guise of learning about new techniques. They are not as graphic as most films, but are arousing as well as informative. Perhaps easing your lover in with one of these films is the way to go.

Third, if your partner states that he or she would be willing to watch a video but that she was nervous about it – assure her that you will understand if she doesn’t like it. Give her the option to stop watching. Make it lighthearted for her – tell her you want her to point out the women who have fake boobs – or those who are clearly faking their orgasms. Make it a fun and entertaining event where the two of you laugh and joke as you are watching. This indicates to her that you are not taking it so seriously – and she may relax enough to actually become aroused.

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