By
Mikayla
OK guys, surely
you didn’t think that I would only discuss the bedroom blunders
that WOMEN make, did you? Of course you didn’t – that
would be unfair of me! As Part II of my “mistakes in the
bedroom” series, it is now time to even the score (not that
I am keeping track) and disclose the 5 biggest mistakes that men
make in the boudoir!
Perhaps you
are a confident lover and feel that you have your toe tingling
techniques down to a science. Let me assure you, there is always
something that you are doing, or have done, that is a no-no for
nookie time! So for all you newbies out there looking to satisfy
your lovers – or for those of you who are just curious –
keep on reading, you may be surprised to find out what you may
be doing wrong in bed!
FORGETTING
THE FOREPLAY
It
is no surprise that when it comes to sex, many men look
at the act of penetration as the pinnacle of the evening.
Some men even have a systematic routine that gets them from
kissing to intercourse in 10 minutes flat – and if
it takes less then 10 – double bonus!
Perhaps you have experienced this as a woman (or have done
this as a man): 10:00 kissing starts; 10:00:10 hands are
groping for your bra strap; 10:01 bra off and hands are
pulling and clawing at your breasts; 10:01:40 lips are locked
on your nipples like a child suckling for the first time;
10:02 hands are going for your pants zipper; 10:02:30 pants
or skirt are off; 10:03 hands are down your panties and
fingers are groping for “the hole”; 10:04 he
goes down on you for what he considers a long time –
not taking time to pleasure you – simply doing his
“duty”; 10:05 he gets up and removes his pants
and boxers; 10:05:59 he is thrusting into you with the heat
of a rocket ship; 10:07:09 he finishes, withdraws and rolls
over.
Guys,
this is NOT the way to please your woman in bed. Now, while
these fast acts of lust and passion can be appreciated occasionally
by women – on the whole, we prefer a much slower paced
night. In essence, FOREPLAY IS A MUST! Truly, if you spend
some time truly connecting with your lover, kissing and
caressing her and pleasuring her orally and manually –
your experience will be much better. Women need to warm
up first, get their engines started a bit. Women are much
more likely to climax if they have this warm up time –
and believe you me, women LOVE to climax as much as the
next GUY.
So
how do you remedy this? SLOW IT DOWN…..way…..way….way
DOOOOWWWWNNN! Instead of going from neck, to chest to oral
to sex – think about looking at sex in a new way.
If you think about sex as adult play the
possibilities are endless for how much pleasure she, and
you, can and will receive. Women like kissing, touching,
oral sex. Women like to be looked at, admired, and touched
in a sensual (and not so forceful) manner. If you take the
time to explore and appreciate your lover’s body –
and she yours – the two of you will connect on a level
that neither of you ever expected was possible!
Don’t worry guys – the sex will still come –
it will just be on the end of an extremely erotic and satisfying
journey from seduction to sex – and your woman will
keep coming back for more…and more….and more…..and
MORE!!!
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FORCEFUL
FINGERS – REALLY ROUGH RIDING
While it is
not true that ALL women like a softer touch, research has shown
that a majority of men touch their lover’s private parts
way too hard. In fact, in the “Loving
Sex” series of videos authored and starring sex therapist
Dr. Patti Britton, it is mentioned more than once that women wish
their lover would touch them more softly. When these lovers tried
the new techniques demonstrated in the video, their lovers were
much happier and climaxed easier.
In a world
where men get NO coaching on how to pleasure their lovers –
unless it is from porno videos or Penthouse Magazine – these
men end up wandering aimlessly around the female anatomy not knowing
HOW to pleasure her. The truth is, women want their men to touch
them as they touch themselves. What does this mean? Well, all
women have a different masturbatory style – but for a majority
(approximately 90%) slower and gentle rules the orgasm.
This means that women like to gently touch themselves, going slow
and teasing their sacred spots – usually avoiding the clitoris
until they are ready to climax.
Conversely,
men always seem to go right for the hot button – the clitoris
– and thereby not allowing their women to become aroused.
They tend to push harder and go faster – as they are excited
to be touching this woman – and become intent on the result
and not so much the process. Then, the woman becomes less aroused
and usually cuts the session shorter because she is not being
pleasured.
So, how do
you remedy this? You ASK your lover if the speed, pressure and
spot that you are touching is good for her. Ask her if she likes
it slower, faster or softer. Listen to her body language if she
is unwilling to tell you. See what makes her moan or move her
hips. One piece of advice that I can guarantee will render you
fantastic results is to touch AROUND the clitoris before you actually
touch it. This goes for oral sex as well as for fingering techniques.
Spend time around her labia and up and down her thighs –
touch her clitoris and then GO AWAY to other parts
–then back again. This will give her a delicious build-up
and really tease her to immense pleasure!
Along the
same note as fingers that touch to hard – it is important
to remember that your thrusting CAN be painful and not pleasurable
if you are banging away on her before she is ready or if she is
in a bad position. Men seem to think that women like to be “pounded”
away on – and while this can be a GOOD thing in many circumstances,
it is so important to make sure that your lover is enjoying your
extra attention. Be especially cognizant about entering her before
she is properly lubricated! It can be EXTREMELY painful if your
man starts pounding away inside you without lubrication. Not all
women lubricate the same, or as quickly as others – so keep
that in mind and make sure she is ready to handle what you are
giving her! If you are sensitive to what SHE likes, you both will
have a much more pleasurable time. If you have the desire to pump
faster – just as her or begin to and see what her response
is. The main rule is – start slow – then increase
tempo – it gives both of you a chance to get into the love
groove!
INNAPROPRIATE
ORAL ETIQUETTE
Most
women are more than happy to give you oral loving –
and in fact, this is an expected and enjoyable part of foreplay
for most women. However, the way to insure that SHE is enjoying
it as much as YOU are is to observe a few oral etiquette
rules.
First
and foremost, NEVER, EVER force her head down onto your
penis! This means not to force her head down TO your penis
– as in a silent cue of what you expect. You can tell
her you would love her to give you oral pleasure and let
HER get around to it – but not all women want to do
this. Also, if she is licking around your penis and you
know she is about to go down on you – do NOT get anxious
and push her head onto your penis! I do not care how excited
you are that you are about to get a blowjob – rushing
her and forcing her onto your man-pole is NOT the way to
begin! This is the quickest way to ensure that she will
be turned off – and not TURNED ON – so let her
go at her own pace.
Second,
when she is going down on you there are ways to behave and
ways NOT to behave. Women like to have their hair or face
stroked when they are polishing your knob. It lets them
know that you love what they are doing and that you are
watching them from above. What most women do NOT like is
when you grab their hair and start bouncing their head up
and down on your cock in an attempt to go faster or deeper.
This is a “porn style” tactic that most women
do not like. If you want her to go faster or deeper –
ask her – tell her, “that feels so good baby,
can you go a little faster?” - this will let her know
that you DO like what she is doing but prefer a little faster
motion. Nothing wrong with men or women telling their lovers
what works for them.
I will qualify this above section with a side note: There
are some women who do enjoy having their hair pulled and
their heads held during oral sex. This is a personal preference.
Do not assume that your woman is one of the women that likes
this. Discuss this with her in a non-sexual setting and
see if it is OK that you do this the next time around –
and ALWAYS respect her wishes.
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Third, while
many, many men enjoy having their partner deepthroat them –
this is not necessarily easy or pleasurable for some women. While
I personally LOVE to deepthroat
my hubby, and personally believe that all women should try to learn
this skill – this is again, personal preference. Some women
just can not do it – others do not want to try. If you are
with your lover and she is giving you a blowjob – NEVER, EVER
push your penis into her throat! First, this can gag her and she
could vomit on you – whoa, intimacy killer. Or, she could
think you are a rough lover and be totally turned off!
The golden rule of deepthroating is that your woman is in control
of it – do NOT force her to do it if she is not ready or willing.
Deepthroating takes skill – yes, I said skill – and
it is not something that all women learn easily. Just respect that
your woman is giving your oral attention and do not force her into
anything she is not ready for!
On
the same note, one of the biggest oral sex no-no’s
is to cum in your lover’s mouth or on her FACE without
asking her if it is OK. Established lovers already have
this “to cum, or not to cum” rule ironed out,
but for new lovers – this is the quickest way to offend
your woman. The problem is, where do you cum if you are
about to blow? While some women like the stomach or chest
– others prefer you do it in a towel (yes, there are
those women out there). Many women do not want to swallow
– and that is their personal choice, and some would
KILL you if you blew on their face! Basically, before you
dump your load, find out if she will swallow or where she
wants your “deposit.” If you are in the moment,
just say to her, “Honey, I am about to cum.”
It is then in her hands (or mouth) to decide where she wants
you to cum. If she wants to swallow, she will continue to
suck – and if she doesn’t, she most likely will
take it out of her mouth and finish you with a handy. Always,
ALWAYS her choice. Period!
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"For
many women, how you act AFTER sex can be more important
than what you DO DURING sex!" |
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THINKING
PORNOS ARE BASED ON REAL LIFE!
As aforementioned,
many men are unfortunate to have learned their sexual techniques
through the viewing of adult cinema. This is unfortunate because
this is NOT real life! Pornos are interesting and informative
– as long as you are looking at them as adult entertainment
and not educational tools. Pornos have their place – and
I am an advocate for adult education – but I do not think
that any man who approached his lover like she was a porn star
ever had success in the bedroom!
What does
this mean? Well, most women will not show up at your door wearing
sexy lingerie and ask you to “fill them to the brim”
with “him.” Instead, women are sexual, intimate, erotic
beings that require a little more warm-up than is usually afforded
in a porno film. While we may like sexy lingerie and seducing
our men – most women want more seduction than a porno film
may demonstrate. SO, if you are expecting your lover to give it
up like the women in porn – forget it and start seeing her
as a real person.
Or, perhaps
you are misinformed enough to think that ALL women like the things
that porno actresses like. You know, double penetration, lots
of oral for YOU and none or little for HER, talking dirty, spanking,
tying or other extreme sexual practices, bad oral etiquette (explained
above), threesomes
or moresomes, lesbian sex or most importantly that she is always
going to be turned on.
If you learn
anything from this article please learn that women are complex
creatures when it comes to sex. Women have various degrees of
eroticism and are open to countless different kinds of sex –
if you talk about it first. You can never assume that one woman
is like another. Some women like kinky sex, some not at all; some
like oral, some not at all. Now, while I firmly believe that experimenting
with new things is a wonderful way to get couples closer together
– this is an individual decision between each couple. Never
assume that what your current lover likes will be what you like.
Talk, discuss, be open with each other. Make your life a love
story – not a porno flick – it will be much more satisfying!
ACCIDENTAL
ANAL
For many men,
anal sex is
one of the biggest turn-ons there is. Many women also enjoy the
practice of anal sex – and this number
is increasing exponentially every year. However, one of the quickest
ways to get forced out of bed is to have ‘accidental anal’
with your lover. You know what I mean guys, you have coerced your
lover into the doggy position, you are humping away – both
of you are enjoying yourselves – and then…whoops,
I slipped in the wrong hole! Paw….lease! There is no way
to “slip” into the wrong hole! While you can slip
out and up, it is not so easy to actually slip IN to their rectum!
Anal sex can
be EXTREMELY satisfying for both partners – if they are
ready and prepared to do so. The rectum has no natural lubrication
– so forcing your penis into her rectum can be EXTREMELY
painful! The sensitive lining of the anal canal can rip and cause
bleeding and pain. So, why bother trying to have AA – why
not discuss this with her. One of the fastest ways to destroy
trust in a relationship is to force your partner into anything
– and anal sex is a BIG thing to force.
No to mention,
if her first experience with anal sex is a forced experience she
will likely never want to try again. This would be her loss as
well as yours. Consensual sex of any kind is ESSENTIAL for a good
relationship. Just because you are already having sex does not
mean you have the right to force other sexual acts on her (or
him.) Be sensitive to her fears and concerns when it comes to
anal sex. Get educated and be prepared for the time when you will
have anal intercourse. DO NOT EVER force or try to slip yourself
into her rectum when she is not ready! That is the quickest way
to ruin your night of fun – and probably man after as well!
FINAL
THOUGHTS…
While these
are just some of the major offenses that men make in the bedroom
it is important to note that women have an overall different view
of sex than most men do. While I think that men should be sensitive
to that difference, I also think that in the quest for a happy,
sexual relationship that women should be AS cognizant of a man’s
likes and dislikes in bed. It is a give and take dichotomy, and
too much of either makes for an unhappy sex life.
Along the
same lines of what separates men from women when it comes to sex,
one difference is always brought up to me – the “cuddle
factor.” Women tend to like to talk, cuddle and be close
after sex – men, well, men seem to like to go to sleep.
While this is not necessarily a sexual mistake (more like genetic
DNA) – it is something that many women find very offensive.
Take a few moments to cuddle or to talk to your lover before you
go running to the bathroom. Bask in the glow of YOUR moment. Realize
the happiness that this brings to her – and you may become
more sensitive to how she thinks and feels. For many women,
how you act AFTER sex can be more important than what you DO DURING
sex!
So, to sum
up the top 5 Mistakes – remember to GO SLOW with your lover,
take time to touch her, feel her, caress her – have some
FOREPLAY that heats both of you up to the boiling point, NEVER
FORCE her into anything – be it oral sex or anal sex –
be considerate of her preferences and try to honor her choices.
Do not think that LIFE is LIKE a PORNO – women are not porno
actresses (although some may seem to be) so think like a MAN,
not like a porno director. Connect with your lover, be with your
lover, have ADULT PLAY time and both of you will be glowing with
the aftermath of an extremely pleasurable experience!
Now go forth
into the world my students and make me PROUD!
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