By Mikayla

Ahhh, pregnancy and childbirth – the joys of any woman’s life! Most men are extremely happy and excited to find out that their partner is pregnant! They are anxious and intrigued to what will happen during the following 9 months. Then, somewhere around 6 months things start to change. Their partner gets larger, more uncomfortable and may not want to be intimate. Some women have this shift earlier in pregnancy – maybe due to medical reasons – and others continue to be sexual until the day they deliver. Pregnancy is a tentative time for Mom, Baby and DADDY too!

Most new or expectant Dads are extremely supportive of their partner. They watch with amazement as their new baby grows inside the womb of their lover. Some expectant fathers are totally turned off by this phenomenon, and those Dads should read my article on 9 Months of Safe Sex. For those Dads interested in continuing sexual intimacy, this time can be a real trial. Many men find no decrease in desire and libido during pregnancy – in fact, it may INCREASE – especially when the fear of pregnancy is taken away. While many women find a decrease in sexual desire – a LARGE decrease!

For those men who are still horny as a toad, understanding the tribulations of pregnancy can be very, very hard. Women get extremely tired during their first and last weeks of pregnancy. Their body changes and rebels. A host of unpleasant and uncomfortable changes happen to her breasts, nipples, stomach, vagina and rectum. While many women want to continue sex, others feel funny about it or are just plain too uncomfortable.

Then, after birth, there is usually a 3-6 week period where sex is absolutely discouraged. This time can be longer for C-Section births. During this time the new family adjusts to life with baby (or babies) and the role of parent sets in for both partners. Sex is usually the last thing on the new Mommy’s mind – but may still be prevalent on the new Dad’s. So, what do you do when you are ready for sex, but your partner isn’t?

UNDERSTANDING WILL SERVE YOU WELL MY DEAR
OK, let us start with a major life lesson. Pregnant women are unpredictable. Pregnancy is unpredictable. If your lover is pregnant, your life (sex life too) may become unpredictable. What do you do? You are UNDERSTANDING, caring, compassionate and patient. During the 9 months of pregnancy it is completely fine to ask for or initiate sex – with the understanding that she may say ‘no.’ If she does, go with it.

After the baby comes, she most likely will definitely say ‘no’ and so will her doctor- be understanding, do not pressure, do not rush, and do NOT guilt her into anything. While many women will be glad to oblige you with a handjob or a blowjob – do not be upset if this is not on the forefront of her agenda! She is a MOM now, and while your needs, wants and desires (as well as her own) are truly important – taking care of baby has to be priority!

SOLO SERVICE
OK, so you can’t have sex, now what? Well, of course there is no reason why you can’t have solo nights. Masturbation does not end because you are a Dad or because your partner can’t oblige you at the time. Masturbation will help you to relieve stress, to be more patient and understanding. There is nothing like a sexually frustrated, tired, stressed new Dad! Relieve the stress – masturbate!

If you are afraid that your lover will be upset that you are taking care of your own needs, put those ideas behind you. I can almost guarantee that she won’t care if you take care of your personal needs – she will be glad that you are helping yourself. Women have much stress about sex too after baby comes. Many of us WANT to have sex, but can’t. Still more of us want the intimacy that comes with sex – but are too sore, tired and just plain overwhelmed to think about it.

We wish we could oblige you – we try to – but there is an emotional and hormonal shift that happens to a new Mom – and this is very hard to override! This is why it is imperative that you never try to make her feel guilty for taking her medically advised rest period.

Now, if after she is healed, and after the doctor has given the OK, she still has some issues or fears. Try to be understanding then too! Just because she is medically cleared, does not mean that she is ready. She still may be tired, she may be afraid of painful sex, or she may have some body issues now that she has given birth and be uncomfortable. Understand these things. Talk about them as a couple. Try to relax her without pressuring her. Make her feel secure and loved and the sex will follow.

IF, for some reason, it has not fallen back into place in a few months time, it may be time to have a heartfelt discussion of expectations and needs. Be unjudgemental and try to discern her issues and fears. There are many reasons for lack of post-birth intimacy – see if you can work it out.

In the meantime – solo servicing is a must! Men need that testosterone release – they need to ejaculate – they need to have that stress relief – so make sure to do it when you feel you must or just to have some intimate time with yourself!

TOYS FOR DADDY
Listen, there is probably no better time in a man’s life to have some new masturbation essentials on hand! The more sexually satisfied you are the more ready, willing and able you are to be a good Dad. While your partner is out of commission (either during pregnancy or after birth) take advantage of some of the products for men! Experiment, satisfy those curiosities – learn about self-pleasure! Then, when your partner is back to having sex again – share those experiences with her!

There are so many products available for men now – masturbation sleeves, handjob lotions, penis pumps, realistic vaginas! A whole world to choose from! So, what do you pick? Really, it is up to you! I would suggest that if you are going to introduce a realistic vagina that you run that by your partner first! Some women (not many) but some might be greatly offended if you choose a realistic vagina in lieu of waiting for the real thing! Just some friendly advice.

So, to narrow down the basic choices, I am going to insert a portion of an article my hubby wrote on Male Masturbation – as it has all sorts of suggestions for masturbators. Also, as a woman, I do not know all about Male Masturbators – well, not as much as he does! So here is a breakdown of the different masturbators and my hubby’s choices in each category:

JELLY FEEL: These are the most economical and most varied. They are made of a stretchy jelly material and usually come in many different colors. Some look like a woman’s vagina, some are just a sleeve. Some have a little vibrating bullet inside. Mainly, they are a great starting point for experimenting with masturbators. My favorite in this category is the PEARL PLEASURE STROKER because it is comfy, stretch, and has pleasure pearls for enhancing some of the sensations. It is also clear – which makes for an interesting play time.

SOFT AND ULTRA SKIN: The soft feel masturbators are often made of cyberskin (which is a silky soft material) and add a new level of comfort or reality to the party. More expensive than the jellies, these come in vaginal hole replicas or even mouths (if you like the BJ fantasy). In this category I love the CYBERSKIN VIRTUAL TOUCH VAGINA. It is basically a cyberskin sleeve but the entrance is a realistic looking, shaven vagina. It is accurate size, had nice suction and it adds to the pleasure because what you are using looks like a vagina. It is relatively inexpensive and great for fantasy time.

REALISTIC VAGINAS (NO, REALLY): These are probably the envy of all young boys! Realistic vaginas are the most expensive masturbators, they are made from cyberskin, usually have more than just the vaginal lips – like the butt cheeks and anal opening too. They are heavy –which adds to the sensation actually – and they are really life-like. I have had the pleasure of using JENNA HAZE’S Vaginal replica, complete with anal opening. It was a cool experience because it was definitely a fantasy to be using this other ‘woman’ while my wife was in the other room. It had great feelings and texture and was a lot of fun to use!

BATTERY POWERED: In the words of Tim the Tool Man Taylor, “Arrrgggh, power me up!” Electric or battery powered toys add a certain stimulation to the party. I have only tried one such masturbator, but I loved it! It was the VERTICAL POWER STROKER and it was part jelly feel sleeve and part battery operated genius. You place your penis into the stroker and turn on the power and a rotating circle of ball bearings caresses your shaft! VERY nice and fun to use.

PUMP IT UP: Finally, as I have found out, penis pumps are not for those small guys wanting to add size. Pumps can help with girth, stamina and even provide a nice masturbation session. These items can really suck your penis – and that is a good thing. I have, use and love the GRAND PRIX STROKER. It is really an interesting experience. If you want to have an intense feeling of being caressed and sucked, invest in a pump!

As you can see there are many items to choose from. I suggest going online and searching the Man’s Area so you can find something that will appeal to you!

THE LIGHTAT THE END OF THE TUNNEL
You may be asking yourself, what does all this patience and understanding get me? Simple: the love and respect of your partner! She will remember how patient, loving and kind you were and as a result will love you all the more! IF you give her the time she needs, she will definitely reward you with loving attention of all sorts!

So, buckle up my man, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Now with the addition of your new baby, you can have a happy, loving home! Just remember, if there has been a substantial lull in your sex life that is going way beyond what you feel is normal – get help! Go to counseling, talk to your partner, try to find out what the problem is.

In all other instances – take comfort that there will be an end to your baby hiatus and sex will resume and be better than before! In the meantime, do not forgo sexual satisfaction – masturbate, buy some toys – learn about new pleasures you may want to explore with your partner when she is ready! Now, that isn’t so bad is it?