Posted by TooTimid Staff to Single & Dating

It seems like a good idea...

Do you remember the show “The Bachelor/Bachelorette”? You pretended that you didn’t watch it, but if you heard someone talking about it, you knew all the Bachelors and had your favorite. I will admit that I was addicted to that show, LOVED it, loved the idea and the thought of twenty-five men perfect for you that only wanted to date you!!! Heaven. Can you imagine finding twenty or so men dedicated to you, and all at the same time? It is lucky if I can find one guy whom I would even consider dating.

For those of you not aware of the show, the premise is that twenty-five guys are put into a setting specifically to fall in love/compete for you. There are glamorous dates, exotic and romantic locations and fun and exciting events. In the end, after much soul searching, heartache and usually a lot of drama, you pick just one and hopefully begin a relationship.

But what about a Real Life Bachelorette? Things would be a lot different. My understanding is that the Bachelorette takes some type of survey that indicates the kind of men she likes and the producers try to find men who fit the bill. An entire room of “Dictionary Men”, what could be better? My room would be filled with Fishermen, Lumberjacks, Park Rangers and hockey players, the testosterone level would be outrageous.

In Real Life Bachelorette, it would be different. Your parents, family, friends and co-workers would have to search the planet to find even ten guys who would fit the part, let alone twenty five. Your Mom would pick the nice boy who lived next door in grade school, she always thought you would make a nice couple. Your aunt would pick the nerdy loser who is always looking for a partner in her square dancing club. Your uncle would pick the down on his luck guy he works with, he can’t go on any dates out of state because he is on parole. Your friends might hook you up and actually try to find your type, but it is not easy and they would have five guys with at least one quality you like. He would drive a big truck, but it is an 18 wheeler and he and has no teeth. He would have a beard, but also be werewolf-ishy hairy all over. He would have a dog, but it would be a cockapoo and he would be gay. He likes the outdoors, but he lives alone in a cabin and writes manifestos. Your co-workers would pick their single sons, cousins and nephews who are really “nice” and just haven’t met the right girl yet. You get the picture?

The dates would not be fancy restaurants and trendy clubs. They would be awkward moments at Dairy Queen and a short walk through the downtown of an economically depressed, freezing cold Michigan town. It would not be horseback riding on the beach or ice skating in Central Park, it would be a snowmobile ride through corn fields and bowling on non-league night. The exotic weekends would not be in Hawaii or Montreal, they would be at the casino in Traverse City or a car show in Flint. The men would not be romantic, writing poems and pledging their love, instead you would feel special if you were treated to the breakfast buffet at Big Boy and if they didn’t chew and spit into Mountain Dew bottles on your dates.

Unlike on the Bachelorette, where the men are on their best behavior trying to impress you and eventually trying to impress your friends and family, on the Real Life Bachelorette, the men would have smelly farts, talk with their mouth full, ignore you for days on end and not return your calls. At the end it wouldn’t be like picking between Matt Dillon, Brett Farve and Willie Nelson (my personal Bachelorette scenario), you would be picking between the nerdy guy who is afraid of girls, the loser with no goals or dreams, and the secretly married guy who just wants to get in your pants.

My friends and I used to sit around and dream about how wonderful your own personal Bachelorette show would be. In real life, maybe not so much.

Please post your thoughts / comments in the Singles & Dating section of the forum. I look forward to hearing from you!