Remember the last time you had great sex in the morning, and you hopped outside to find that it was a beautiful sunny day? And you carried around your secret all day, fueled with a love-buzz that put a mellow grin on your face and a bounce in your step? Well, at least I hope you remember the last time that happened to you. For a full day last week I was ‘buzzing’ with a secret too. I got a Vibrating Thong with remote control from this very web site, and wore it for a day. Yes, the entire day. I kept some notes too. Someone had to do it, right? Following is my account, for your reading pleasure (so much for secrets).

9:30am The thong is adjustable, depending on where you want to be stimulated. Anal and penile stimulation (and anywhere in between) are all options. So I took a brief moment to move things around to where I wanted them, then put on my loosest pants. This would turn out to be important. Fresh batteries…remote control in pocket…all set.

10:00am The café. I found a seat in the back, 2 tables from the nearest customer. I was a little concerned about the noise of the vibrator, but as it turns out there was no need. The Beatles “Help” was on the stereo, which itself could barely be heard over the grinding of coffee. I made a small adjustment and flicked the switch. Whoa! All was definitely in working order and I couldn’t even hear it. This was going to be fun, I realized. The café was full of people, and I suppressed a goofy smile. I was feeling aroused. Be warned: if you try this it’s only natural that you may want to touch yourself in addition to being pleasantly buzzed. I do not recommend that as a public endeavor though.

I remembered I had to go to the bank before work, so I was off.

10:15am At the bank I filled out my deposit sheet and went to the teller. The bank was almost empty and very quiet. Uh-oh. But this turned out to be the highlight of my day – asking the teller very matter-of-factly if my rent check had bounced the day before, and having my mid-section humming merrily during her long explanation of why it hadn’t. I could barely hear it, so noise was sure to not be a problem the rest of the day. Have you ever been turned on at the bank? I didn’t think so!

The teller was an attractive girl, and it occurred to me that there were a couple of questions I had to confront. Is it sleazy or just wrong to have someone unknowingly be your fantasy fodder while feeling pleasure from a vibrating thong? Has this question been raised yet, in the short but notable history of the Remote Control Vibrating Thong? And if someone random were my fantasy fodder, what would my girlfriend think if she reads this? The first two questions I’ll leave to you, dear reader. As for the girlfriend, I don’t know. We’ve watched a couple of adult films together, so I should be OK.

I couldn’t think of anything else to ask the teller, so I was on my way.

12:15pm At work. This was dangerous. I sit at least 30 feet from anyone else. I have unrestricted Internet access. And I have work to do! Well 5 or 10 minutes of fun can’t hurt…I perused some websites, which shall remain nameless. I found that shifting my position slightly in my chair caused the thong to do funny and very pleasurable things. I felt like such a naughty boy. No! I can’t be getting myself off at work. This was just a little too good, and should be done at home. My manager could hop on over here and I’d have 3 seconds to be a normal and attentive worker-bee.

7:30pm Looking at an apartment, and meeting potential roommates. OK folks, there is an inappropriate time for a vibrating thong.

9:45pm At the local dive bar. You knew I’d end up here, didn’t you? I sat and talked a while to the bartender, who was a friend of mine. I couldn’t help laughing at what I had been getting away with all day. And now I’m chatting nonchalantly with my friend as if my underwear isn’t purring vivaciously. I was yet relishing my unseen misbehavior, whence came a sign, no – two signs, two indisputable signs: It started to hurt a bit all of a sudden (there’s only so much a man can take), while at the same moment, the 23 minute live version of “Freebird” ejaculated out of the jukebox. I flicked off the thong, finished my martini and headed home.

That was it for the day. Off with the thong and on with the Pajamas. “Well, is it comfortable?” the reader asks. It might take a little getting used to for some of us men-folk with no thong wearing experience, but I did ride my bike fully thonged for about three miles with no real discomfort.

In retrospect, the thong could have been more pleasurable for me if it was specifically shaped for penile pleasure. And let’s face it – it’s easier to stimulate the clitoris than the male anatomy with something that vibrates. But I sure had fun, and TooTimid has lots more toys (gentle hint: send me more!). But to be sure, for the females out there, or for males looking for gifts for their girlfriend or wife, you can’t go wrong with this thong (it appears I just happened upon a nice catch-phrase).

And there is one memorable thing I learned that day. If you tell anyone, and I mean anyone – best friend or total stranger – that you’re wearing a vibrating thong with remote control, they won’t believe you. Ever.