Relationships and Pets: 7 Funny Times Our Beloved Household Pets Ruined Sex

More than half of all American households have some sort of pet, with the great majority having dogs or cats. We love our furry friends and think of them as part of the family. They snuggle with us on the couch and even sleep with us in bed. They’re used to hanging around and being our buddies and receiving our undivided attention. Sometimes, they get a bit jealous when we find new friends or spend more attention on a lover than on them. They can’t always understand why they aren’t receiving all of our love.

This can sometimes cause issues when the pet that we so love wants to take his relished space on the bed which is currently being occupied by our lover. Lots of pet owners have funny stories regarding sex and their pets and here are just a few.

1. Why Are You Staring?

Jill had two dogs – a pug and a German shepherd. She loved her dogs so much that she let them eat at the table with her. When Jill started dating Mike the dogs were suspicious of him, often staring him down when he came to pick her up.

One night after a wonderful dinner Jill and Mike were getting busy on the couch. Mike was kneeling on the floor eating her out when he felt eyes on him. It was so intense that he finally looked up from between Jill’s legs to see both of her dogs staring at him from not even a foot away.

Jill, realizing that Mike had stopped, asked him, “Hey, why did you stop?” Mike didn’t respond, he just looked in the general direction of the dogs who were still staring him down. They both started to laugh hysterically and from then on out any sex was done when the dogs were locked somewhere else but Mike said he knew that they were outside the locked door just waiting for him to be done.

2. Are You Done Yet?

When I was married I had a dog named Bailey. She was a very good dog and very much part of the family. She slept on the bed between us from the very first day she was part of our family. When we would jump into bed at night Bailey would jump right up with us. In fact, ANY time we were in bed she would jump up with us. That included when we were having sex.

We would tell Bailey to get on the floor, and she would go, but she would stare at us from the floor intently waiting for us to finish. If we took too long, she would inch herself up onto the bed, slowly, hoping we would not notice.

One night while I was in the reverse cowgirl position Bailey jumped up onto the bed at the end and looked at me with the saddest eyes that said, “Are you done YET?” I didn’t have the heart to make her get down, so we finished while she was still up on the bed.

3. The Punching Bag

Harrison has 3 cats. Yes, he is a cat person. His cats, like all cats, rule the roost at his house. He has to lock them out of the bedroom when he has women come over because they will get on the bed, jump on his back and overall, just be nuisances.

One night he brought his girlfriend over and went through the normal routine of getting the cats out of the room. He then proceeded to get it on with his girlfriend. At one point he was kneeling and kissing down her body when he felt a pinch on his balls! He ignored it, assuming he had just moved wrong and then he felt it again!

One of his cats had snuck back into the room and was literally using his balls like a punching bag! Luckily for Harrison (and his girlfriend) the cats had no front claws but trying to grab them to hold them was painful enough!

4. Oh No, Not Again!

Dogs are very funny creatures. They can be very expressive and they often “talk” through their whining or barking. Julia had a dog that she loved dearly, but she learned very early on that he did NOT like it when she played with her vibrating sex toys. Whether she was having a solo session or using them with a partner, when the toys would come out he would whine and cry. A pathetic “that hurts my ears” cry.

It got so bad that all Julia had to do was open the drawer of her nightstand and her dog would start to whine, loudly, almost like a howling at the moon-type sound. She tried everything even locking him out. If he heard the buzzing of her toys, he would sit outside the door and cry. If he saw it on her bed, he’d cry. Finally, she had no choice but to get a baby gate to put at the top of the stairs to keep him on the first level during sex toy time. Now that is a super-sensitive doggy!

5. Whose Tongue Is That?

John had a Doberman pincher named Rex. Rex was a very, very friendly Doberman and often gave John lots of kisses when he returned home from work and also gave his friends or girlfriend kisses too. Yep, Rex loved to kiss. One night, John was having sex with his long-time girlfriend Cheryl. He was on top in missionary position when Cheryl started to giggle.

First just a little, then more and more and she was moving around squirming beneath him saying “stop, that tickles!” She was so ticklish that she couldn’t even get out a complete sentence to tell John that Rex was licking her feet! Finally figuring it out and sending Rex to the floor Cheryl stopped giggling and said, “I’m glad it was only my feet he licked!” They both had a huge laugh over that one.

6. Baby, You're On Fire!

Meg was determined to have a romantic evening with her hubby. She bought new lingerie, put a whole bunch of tea light candles on the dressers in their bedroom, and played some mood music. When her hubby came home, she led him to the bedroom, pulling him by his tie, and right down onto her on the bed.

Kissing and fondling, things were getting hot. Things were getting really hot. Just as her hubby took off his shirt, he felt something extremely hot hit his naked back! Screaming in pain he shot up trying to figure out what the pain was. Meg, freaking out herself, asked him to turn so she could see.

What she saw was hot wax all down his back! Their cat, Shadow, had knocked one of the tea lights off of the highboy dresser and right onto his back! Talk about being on fire.

7. Cat Scratch Fever

Jennifer was Marc’s new girlfriend. Marc really liked her. Unfortunately, Marc’s 12-year-old cat, Loki, did not. Loki was used to having all of Marc’s attention. He cuddled with him during movies, snuggled with him in bed, even sat on the floor while he took a shower in the mornings. Loki was Marc’s buddy.

Then Marc brought home Jennifer and Loki did not like her at all. He would jump on her head while they watched TV, walk across her to get to Marc while she was trying to eat pizza, and he would bite her hair as he sat on the back of the couch. Nope, Loki did NOT like Jennifer.

One night when Marc and Jennifer were in bed, kissing and fondling, Jennifer rolled on top of Marc and was just about to put him inside of her when she felt searing pain and heard a horrid, loud cat screech! Loki had jumped on her back, claws out, and really clawed the crap out of her back! Jennifer jumped up in horror and Marc, totally shocked, looked at the scratches on her back and said, “He didn’t mean it, he just is protective of me!” Jennifer got up, got dressed and left and never came back again.

How Do Your Pets Get Along With Your Lover? Let Us Know In The Comments!