Sex & Pregnancy

If you are reading this article then I will assume that either you or your partner is pregnant! CONGRATULATIONS! This is a wonderful time for all of you to enjoy. I too am pregnant, 7 months now, and it has been wonderful and scary and exciting all at once! Many newly pregnant Moms-to-be worry about many things, and how to maintain a healthy sex life is most likely one of them.

Will I be able to have sex? What about oral sex? Will sex be enjoyable? Will it hurt the baby? Can I use sex toys? Will my partner find me sexy when I get “fat?” How long can I have sex? Does the baby know? Will my baby feel my orgasms? Can my partner cum inside me? What positions work for pregnancy?

These are just a few of the many questions that will probably race through your mind – or the mind of your partner – while you are pregnant. So worry no further, I have the answers to these questions and more – and I even have helpful hints to keep your sexual all the way to the finish line! So, with limited time to enjoy your pregnant state – let’s get going!

CAN I HAVE SEX WHILE I AM PREGNANT?
There is not really an easy answer to that question – because it is dependent upon your individual pregnancy status. The basic rule is: if you are having an uneventful and low-risk pregnancy, then YES, sex is actually good for you.

However, if you have had bleeding, cramping, past miscarriages or other problems – sex may be a no-no for you – you will have been told by your doctor not to have sex – even if the status is temporary.

So, if you are newly pregnant and feel great, have no problems, and have the ALL CLEAR from your OBGYN, then YES, have sex as much as you want. Keeping in mind that many women have some light bleeding after intercourse, especially in the beginning weeks, as the cervix seals and the residual blood works its way out. IF YOU HAVE BLEEDING AT ANY TIME DURING PREGNANCY – CALL YOUR OBGYN! They can tell you right away to come in or not to worry based on your symptoms. Light spotting after intercourse or exercise is usually normal, but you always want to call your Doctor.

Now, you may start out with a perfectly fine pregnancy, and then have issues with cramping and bleeding later on. Use your common sense! If you are leaking fluid (amniotic) as in the later weeks – NO SEX. If you are having contractions – real ones not Braxton Hicks – NO SEX. If you are a high risk pregnancy, or have been put on bed rest – NO SEX. Your OBGYN will instruct you – but if she or he doesn’t, and any of these aforementioned events are happening – NO SEX and CALL YOUR DOCTOR!

Always remember to be especially careful to be CLEAN, to PLAY CLEAN and to wipe up and go to the bathroom BEFORE and AFTER sex. You do not want to have a yeast or bladder infection with the pregnancy – and this happens more frequently during pregnancy. So, always clean up yourself.

WHAT ABOUT ORAL SEX?
Keeping in mind the same reasons to not have sex, the same issues for oral sex apply. Oral sex is considered perfectly safe during pregnancy – as long as you have the OK to have sex in general. There are a few very important things to remember, however, if your partner is planning on going down on you during this period.

1. As with Oral Sex when you aren’t pregnant, NEVER, EVER BLOW into your partner’s vagina. This is especially dangerous during pregnancy. Always suck IN, never blow OUT!

2. Your taste is likely going to change during pregnancy. You have a rush of hormones; you take special vitamins, eat more healthfully and drink more water. All of these things can make your taste change a bit. Partners, be forewarned!

3. In mid to late months you will most likely have a thick, sticky discharge that is COMPLETELY normal and is supposed to happen as the baby grows and puts more pressure on your nether regions. This discharge is often not appealing to many partners – and may signal the end for THEIR oral sex desires. This is a personal choice – if you are having a lot of discharge – clean up before sex and try to get some of that discharge out.

4. If you are having bleeding or fluid leakage – do not engage in oral sex. The chance for bacteria to grown and travel upwards is greater when there is leakage or bleeding.

WILL SEX BE ENJOYABLE?
The answer to this question is also dependent on your individual pregnancy situation. For most women, sex becomes MORE enjoyable – as the orgasms during pregnancy can be much easier to achieve and can be much stronger. The combination of hormones and extra blood flow to the vagina make the clitoris engorge much easier and become much more sensitive. This often leads to powerful and multiple orgasms! So, for these lucky ladies, sex is AWESOME during pregnancy.

For some women, however, the desire for sex is gone, they are constantly in pain due to the moving of the muscles and bones, they may have hemorrhoids or vaginal varicose veins that are painful – and for all of these reasons DO NOT want sex. This is a woman’s call – and pushing her at this point to have sex is really unfair. I would suggest, however, if your discomfort is just from the normal moving and adjusting of your pelvic region, to give sex a shot. Sometimes the hormonal rush of an orgasm can calm you and make you feel better. At that point, any relief is welcomed.

WILL IT HURT MY BABY?
The answer to that is “NO” – sex in and of itself does NOT hurt the baby. As aforestated, the only time that sex could hurt your child is when you have intercourse when advised not to – this could cause miscarriage or preterm labor – and that COULD hurt your baby.

In normal pregnancies, sex is often something the baby likes. Not the act itself, but more the contractions during orgasm and the gentle rocking during sex. It is soothing to the baby. The baby can also sense a calm, serene feeling in his/her mother when she is happy and feeling loved. This positive inner feeling can only help the baby feel loved and secure as well.

CAN I USE SEX TOYS?
Basically, “yes” sex toys are OK to use – if you use common sense. You may want to ask your doctor before engaging in sex toy use – just to be OK. My OBGYN told me that normal sex toy use was OK, but gave me some guidelines to abide by. First, ALWAYS use a clean, anti-bacterialized toy. Cleanliness is very important now. Second, don’t play too rough. Most toys are harder than a penis – so you want to avoid banging it hard against your cervix. This could cause bleeding. Third, stay away from toys that are too big, or too rough. The last thing you want is an injury down there. It is a tender spot in general, and becomes more so when pregnant – so save those for after pregnancy. Fourth, use common sense. If it hurts or is uncomfortable – STOP. This rule goes for all sex in pregnancy.

While my OBGYN and I talked about this, you may want to consult your own doctor. It is so important that he or she knows what is going on with your body – and that includes using a sex toy.

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WILL MY PARTNER THINK I AM SEXY “FAT?”
Ok, first – you are NOT FAT – you are PREGNANT! This is something that every pregnant woman needs to know and to embrace! You are growing a life inside you – and that comes with the price of an expanding waistline and bigger boobs! While it might FEEL like you are fat, you are not – you are a beautiful, glowing, pregnant woman – and that is sexy!

What your own partner will think is based largely on is perception of you as a Mom. Many men have issues with having sex with their pregnant mates once they begin to show. It is not necessarily that they are no longer attracted to you, but that the BABY is now VISIBLE! They have a keen awareness that the baby is under your belly – and they may have fears of hurting the baby or leaning on the baby. Men are human and have thoughts and feelings just like we do. They need reassurance that we are OK, and that the baby will be OK too. If we can convince them that we want sex, need sex, want them, need them – and that the baby and WE will be OK, then most men can then find the pregnant momma very sexy.

There are those few men who are turned off by the big belly, or the stretch marks, or even the bigger boobs. My advice to those men? GROW UP! Seriously, I know your partner may have been super petite before she got pregnant, but she is not sitting in a corner eating bon-bons – she is growing your child inside her body! Look at the miracle of that, and look at her as the miracle she is!

HOW LONG CAN I CONTINUE TO HAVE SEX?
This answer is also conditional on your own pregnancy status. In a normal pregnancy with NO issues or fear of pre-term labor – you can have sex up until the day you deliver – or until your water breaks! Once that bag of waters has broken, there is fear of infection – so NO sex after that. Many women have sex more at the end because their hormones are racing and they want to get some sex in before baby comes. Or, they are trying to induce labor through sex.

If you are having complications in your pregnancy, sex may be a no-no for you. This is where your OBGYN needs to inform you of what you can and can not do. As long as you are having regular visits with your OB, she will tell you if it is OK or not.

DOES MY BABY “KNOW?”
No. Your baby is encased in a fluid filled sack, in the darkness of your womb. He or she has NO idea what sex is, or what you are doing. They can not see the penis in your vagina, have no idea what words you are saying – although, they can hear you later in the pregnancy – and have no idea what sex is.

What they do sense, is the rhythmic rocking in their little home and most likely feel the contractions from orgasm. This is all perfectly happy and safe for your baby – and probably a relaxing time for them as well!

WILL THE BABY FEEL MY ORGASMS?
As discussed, yes. However, to him or her, it is just a little contraction outside of their amniotic sac. It does not “crush” them, it does not disturb them. Orgasms are soothing, and many babies are very inactive after orgasm due to the contractions lulling them to sleep.

CAN MY PARTNER CUM INSIDE ME?
Yes and no. Again, with a normal pregnancy when sex is permitted – yes, your partner can cum inside you. There is no danger of pregnancy (already there) and this is a time when most couples enjoy having that freedom. Not worrying about birth control or unplanned pregnancy is a gift that only being pregnant can deliver – so enjoy it!

Now, if you have been advised that you are at a risk for pre-term labor, you may want to refrain from sex – or if given permission to have sex – refrain from ejaculation inside. Semen contains certain biological chemicals that naturally thin out the cervix. If your cervix is already effacing (thinning out) and the doctor wants you to wait longer before going into labor, then you need to NOT have sex and not ejaculate inside your partner.

In fact, in some pregnancies where the baby is overdue, the OBGYN will suggest sex with ejaculation to try and hurry the labor along. This is something that is individual for each person – and does not always work – but many swear by it. So, again, check with your OBGYN.

WHAT POSITIONS ARE GOOD FOR PREGNANCY?
Well, in the beginning months when you are not showing, ANY comfortable pre-pregnancy position is great. Many mommies have no discomfort so any position works equally well now. If you are uncomfortable – then find a more comfortable position.

Now, after around the 20th week, lying on your back (flat on your back) is not advisable. As the baby grows larger and puts pressure on your vena cava (the main artery supplying blood to you and baby) you will want to stop sleeping on your back, exercising on your back, and having sex flat on your back. If you would like, propping up with pillows can be an acceptable way to do it, although many women find the angle a bit odd.

Side by Side: Either in the spooning position, where your expanding belly is facing away from your partner. This is a cuddly position that most women love during pregnancy. Or, you can just lie partly sideways, and have your partner still enter you facing you. While this may take some adjustment, many women like to see their partner.

Doggy Style: If this is comfortable for you, doggy style is a great position – especially if you put a few pillows under your belly to support yourself. This way, your partner gets great penetration, you get the benefit of your G-Spot being rubbed, you can probably still give yourself clitoral stimulation, and the baby is out of the way.

End of the Bed: If you can scotch your bottom to the end (or side) of the bed, prop up your back a bit with pillows, and have your partner hold your ankles, this position is great for sex. This also opens you up for clitoral stimulation; you can look at each other and even kiss – if baby isn’t too big yet.

Ride-Em Cowgirl: While you may feel HUMONGOUS and heavy, you are not as heavy as you think. Getting on top and slowly lowering yourself down in the Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl position can be a great way to maintain speed and depth while keeping your baby bump out of your way. Just make sure you are supported and won’t fall off.

The X-Factor: This position won’t work for the last months, but during the first few it was a favorite of mine. Have your partner lie on the bed. Then, you mount him and then slowly recline to a lying position (before 20 weeks) or a propped position (after 20) and then just slowly grind into one another. This position gives you shallow penetration, but it is right on your G-Spot. Your partner can stimulate your clitoris and you can have a nice, slow night of sex this way.

Sit Down and Take It: If your partner sits on a sturdy chair or the couch, you can sit atop him and ride him up and down and back and forth while he supports your arms. These positions are great in middle months and take all the pressure off the uterus.

Up Against a Wall: If your heights are compatible – you can press against a wall and your partner can lift you up enough to enter you. If you feel off balance, then avoid this position.

Bend over Baby: Finally, one of my hubby and mine’s favorite positions is to have me just bend over the edge of the bed or the couch and he enters me doggy style. I can spread my legs for the appropriate height, I have the couch or the bed to stabilize me, he gets great penetration, and we both enjoy having that full experience. This is often best for the last weeks.

DISPELLING THE MYTHS
I hope this article has answered the questions that YOU might have had about having sex during pregnancy. I know this time can be tentative for you that is why maintaining a healthy sex life is important. Having that connection, being with your partner, and not withholding for 9 months is so important.

Also, much like sex, masturbation during pregnancy is safe and healthy in all the times that normal sex would be safe. Do not give up your urges, satiate them! Sex and orgasms are great for pregnant Mommies – and we deserve the fun too! We are pregnant – but not dead – so as long as your OBGYN says it is OK – then go for it! It will be a much more enjoyable 9 months!

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